When was the last time that you made a huge blunder, a big mistake, or you failed at something? How did you feel afterwards? If you were chastised, how did you react to someone else telling you that you failed at something? How did you feel about yourself?
These are all valid questions, especially when your self esteem is affected. The better you feel about yourself, the more confidence you have to overcome the most daunting challenges in your life.
“I am not a failure; I only failed at doing something”
When we fail at doing something, it is not because we are failures, but we failed at the task for a variety of reasons. Lack of experience; a shortage of skills; not enough time; or not the right tools are some of the reasons we fail. Then sometimes you are preoccupied with another matter. Sometimes you are just not doing what you are meant to do. Maybe your attitude was not right that day.
When I was thirteen years old I took Guitar lessons for about three months and failed miserably. I practiced as I was instructed and I learned a few chords and could even play a simple song. But I quickly learned that, for whatever reason, music was not my forte. I was neither passionate nor skilled at playing a musical instrument. I wasn’t a failure; I just failed at the task.
Only you can determine whether or not you are a failure
To think of yourself as a failure is a heavy load to carry. Once you believe that you are a failure, it is very difficult to get back on the road of success. People who believe that they are failures have self-pity, then after time have a sense of hopelessness as if there is nothing that they can do without failing.
Making mistakes and failing at doing something is actually healthy. For anyone to say that they got through the day or the week without a major blunder is not healthy. This is especially true when you are learning a new skill or you are in a new experience. Making mistakes helps us sharpen our problem solving skills and helps us look for new ways of doing something. When we fail at something, we are compelled to be more creative the next time.
“You’re more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action”
Jerome Bruner
Jerome Bruner, a Harvard Psychologist, is referring to people who are either great procrastinators or are waiting to be motivated to do something. Another quote I have heard by an unknown author is “do the thing and you will get the energy to do the thing”. You cannot wait until the right moment, the right feeling, and the right motivation.
The time to act is now and you should forget about acting when the timing is perfect-because it never will be. I am not saying that you should be extremely hasty or that you should be irresponsible. What I am saying is that too much analysis turns into paralysis.
Recently, I began reading John Maxwell’s book, Failing Forward, for the second time and I would like to leave you with this section from chapter three of his book.
Remove the You from Failure
If you’ve been thinking of yourself as a failure, you can break yourself out of that negative thinking pattern. Look at an area of your life where you have repeatedly failed, and do the following:
- Examine your expectations for that area. Write them down. Are they realistic? Do you expect to do everything perfectly? Do you expect to succeed on the first try? How many mistakes should you expect before you succeed? Adjust your expectations.
- Find new ways to do your work. Brainstorm at least twenty new approaches an try at least half of them.
- Focus on your strengths. How can you use your best skills and personal strengths to maximize your efforts?
- Vow to bounce back. No matter how many time you fall, pick yourself up and keep going.